Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Show me the meaning of being lonely

Its just one of those days. N I cant help thinking ..when do I get to live my life??..
I m 22 .
I m a doctor.
N then somebody will come n make u realise that u r nothing- but the most miserable excuse for a human being.
U listen to people all day long.
U do their bidding . even if it means curbing the dreams of the one life that u have.
U become the butt of their sick sense of humor. All in the name of tolerance power.
But at the end of the day, somehow , through some crazy maths, u r still wrong, just a big dissaopintment.
Is it being strong or is it being weak?..
Seems like strength to bear it all.
Or weakness not to speak out against it…well, at least not often enough.
But then there are days when this carefully nurtured tolerance breaks. N u break down with that. U look for one sign from somewhere that u may be right. But still u don’t get it.
N then theres nothing to do. But to go into ur room. Lock urself in. n let the floodgates fall. Unrestricted flow of emotion.
Then it will hit u.
The most terrible feeling of all.
The feeling of loneliness.
The 100 friends u have will not mean anything. U’ll see their faces pass in front of u. n u’ll think of the times when troubles were sorted out over maggi cookings at 2 am in hostel. Or just talking about the most useless stuff at night out in the open campus n forgetin abt the most depressing stuff.
Life seemed so easy back then.
But they r not here now. Here. When u need them.
Of course u can go to them. They r all there. Waiting. But u wish there was someone who would come to u. for the simple reason that u r good. Ok..atleast not as bad as they will have u believe. That u too deserve a break. Or atleast a good day.
But that’s not to be.
So u take stock of the situation. Tell urself that ‘this too shall pass’ n everything will be alright.
N go off to sleep.

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