Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Pigs Don't Fly.... But They Do Get High

Before I get to the corruption of the title of one of PG Wodehouse’s incomparable pieces of literature, let me say…

GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD…

Very inadvertently, someone showed me the light a couple of days ago. Though I am not sure those were his intentions as he doesn’t really know me and assumed a lot more than might be true. But anyhow, I take recluse in the real world form now on till 14th nov. and will be spending the next two months in pursuit of more worthwhile activities. So no blogging for sometime now ( I think..hope…). Of course the online world will not be devoid of my presence and I’ll continue to grace people’s blogs , chat and check my email while using the net for purely academic purposes. And a note of thanks to the bearer of light for me. Hail Lucifer! ;)

Now coming to the piggy thing…Shouldn’t really be writing this but couldn’t resist after a self proclaimed pig thought that I had been in a fight with him n the likes of him when all the time their repeated oinks had been collectively ignored though of course I was bothered by them. After all, who likes unsightly sights n noises. And he didn’t have to point out to his roots, I realised that and for that very reason chose not to try to make him see reason which I might have done ( And had I really been in a fight, we know who would have won. Man , I am sorry to say , is still superior) Sorry , Mr. Wodehouse , but I too like taking digs at people n pigs alike once in while in public though I don’t get personal. After all, never really thought I would come across hallucinating pigs in this lifetime.

Now since this is a kind of separation , to end on a sad note, I want to thank two people who I really miss a lot these days. These people will never read my blog ( hopefully!) but still. This is one of those behind-the back- praises. (And it gets u brownie points in those psychological tests which judge the kind of human being you are …)

First of all N , my closest friend in college. We didn’t really have common interests apart from roaming in CP n hurrying to catch a movie in between classes and not unsurprisingly , missing the class. But still we shared everything in college from our names to single beds in hostel rooms to answer sheets. Can never really forget how I could have the time of my life with you and could always depend on you for not letting me go overboard. Or the time 2 years ago when I was down with dengue n u sat and read aloud from the book the whole night before the exam. I would never have realised that sitting in the café whole day and mugging with tonnes and tonnes of coffee to drink could be so much fun had it not been for you. And of course discussion in the exam hall to get to that elusive ‘perfect’ answer! And the way u trust me so much with every problem of your life, expecting me to know the right thing to do every time . Till Now. Even when we are 250 km apart. I just came to know that the last time we met you actually gave up the last chance to meet somebody really special in your life who is now more than 2000 km away. Life just won’t be the same without you.

The second person , surprisingly is my brother. I never really thought I would write this. We haven’t really lived at the same place since 1998 but today all of a sudden I cant help but miss him. The way he would always be so protective. Which I hated. I always wanted to make my own mistakes but he never wanted his little sis to know what a big, bad, world it was. How he took immense pride in me when I wasn’t around and always put me down when I was. How I could shout at him . fight with him, kick him, tell him never to talk to me again and how he would remain calm through it all and come to talk to me again. Infact I feel nobody in this whole world has insulted him so much as I have. I can’t forget the way he would tell me he didn’t have enough money when we would be buying books and when I couldn’t decide between two and he would buy me both. Or how he has more faith in my knowledge of medicines (though I am just a student) than my parents (who are a specialist and a super specialist). How I can discuss movies and books and anything under the sun with him for hours. The way he would get ‘big brotherly’ but still always be nice to all kinds of friends I have. It kind of hurts to realise that we may never actually spend much time together ever again with him in the godforsaken place he has been posted to now. I sincerely hope he never gets to read this blog but if he ever does I don’t think he’ll believe its me ( hehe).

I’ll request people who know him personally( n surprisingly there are quite a few of them) to refrain from commenting on this part for two reasons. Now that I have spent so much time building up his image, I don’t want anyone undoing it. And, second for the simple reason that the person u know is not my brother.Brothers are alter egos of normal boys that exist only for sisters. Nobody can see my brother the way I can for he is that way only for me. And I am so lucky that it is so.

As a parting shot, ran into a palmist the other day , tried to prod her about my studies and career but she seemed riveted on my marital life. So , in her holy words, I will be getting married to somebody very handsome and rich at the age of 27. Mom didn’t seem to happy about the ‘27’ bit.(When WILL moms learn!) I am happy as long as the other two are true.

Go ahead. Call me shallow.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Whither to Privacy, Whither to Trust?

I have been away from the world of blogdom for the past few days trying to use my time constructively in studying till an issue irked me a couple of days back which I tried to ignore and sort out in the most amicable way. But it refused to die down and things came to a head when I was accused of not respecting the ‘right to privacy’ by a rank stranger.
With me having been an activist for this particular right and in fact the encroachment of this very right of mine being the reason of the birth of this bog, this was strange.
But if that person’s idea of ‘private matters’ was discussing me, replete with my full name, who my friends are , who I talk to and how much I talk and what I do , with 20 people who don’t know me and don’t deserve to know me in one of those so- called online communities which is as private as the Statue of Liberty, then I am sorry , I don’t and can’t respect his right to privacy.

I am not a celebrity and hence I am not putting up with paparazzi. And privacy on what grounds? Constitutional? Even in Parliament a member cannot be discussed in absentia. Legal? My dear sir , its you who can be taken to the court for misrepresentation of facts. Moral? Naah , I don’t think these people would understand this word. And if it is, I have still not attained the moral zenith where I can abstain myself from accessing information that is available to me without hacking, cracking and using any illegal means esp. if that information is about me and is as much a news for me as for the other members of the community.

Now I happened to be at a place where I had perfect right to be in the virtual world trying to pass a message to a friend when I stumble upon a bits n pieces of conversation amongst people who I didn’t know trying to find ‘more’ about me. Who would not be curious? My salutes to the one who replies in affirmative. It did not require an I.Q. of 140 to follow the particular chain of conversation to the community where the people concerned planned to carry on the matter in their implied privacy. And I am not exactly stupid. And if people I don’t know are so curious to get information about me, well so am I.

Judgements I don’t fear, for people I care for will judge me right and for the rest I don’t care. Criticism I appreciate as long as it is healthy and by someone capable of the job. I can laugh at myself as long as it is funny. I’ll crib, cry and criticize in return , but I won’t condemn the person concerned. I’ll fight and fume but I’ll see to it that the facts are put right. Conjectures I don’t resent . For it is the power to analyze that separates man from animals and the conclusions finally arrived at only reflect the mental level of the person concerned. And if that happens to be lower than a snake’s belly button , its hardly my problem.

But,

Somebody I don’t know and don’t care to know professing to possess informed opinion about me based on factually incorrect facts whatever the source of information might be ,I resent.

I think most people can make out what online place I am talking about. Where communities of girls’ colleges have more male members than females , the amount of privacy guaranteed is pretty obvious and I am sure the people concerned are not so naïve as not to realize that.And if my protesting agisnt something being said about me and that too not publicly as had been done by these people but to a friend is considered a breach of their privacy, I pity them.

Though I was not answerable to anybody , I still apologized to the one person I knew there for stumbling upon a group of friends who I thought were upto some harmless fun and asked him to put matters straight. And respecting their right to privacy , I did not read anything except the post concerning me nor do I intend to for I don’t think I’ll find that either interesting ot entertaining. But still, according to one member, I could not know what they knew ( considering its about me , that would be pretty nigh impossible , right?) and I could not know what they feel ( oh I can very well do that , the question is how much you feel and do YOU know what others feel?) .

If people get their kicks out of slinging mud at their friends , they might as well dump the entire garbage dump on each other , I don’t care . As long as I am not a part of it.

I still haven’t had a direct confrontation with any of the people concerned neither do I wish to because I put it above them to ever admit their own mistake or to respect any body or anybody’s right to privacy for that matter. I have not raked up this issue with the one person I do know ( who happens to drop in at my blog from time to time) for the simple reason that I don’t need to point out things to him again and again for he can very well see what’s wrong without my telling him.
Though I do wish that the people concerned get the message that I have absolutely no interest in what they think , feel or say as long as they leave me out of it esp since they have their facts so horribly contorted

But the one issue that does rise out of this whole thing is that with net becoming one whole world in itself , where actually is the right to privacy headed. With more and more people acquiring their own presence on net and expressing their opinion about each and everything under the sun ( I don’t grudge anybody this as I too am a part of the crowd). But an unknown person like me coming across two discussions about yours truly being carried out without my slightest inkling (the other one is another story) totally by chance and google devta showing your presence in recesses of this wide web which you did not even know existed, can we still expect to live without becoming the topic of such conversations. I think that the maximum we can achieve is stay oblivious of all this as we did in the good old days when, yes ,the unemployed and useless people did discuss others but did not have such a far reach. For what you don’t know won’t hurt you!

I am pretty upset by the whole turn of events simply for the reason that its totally new to me. I am used to having and may I say lucky enough to have had friends who respect me and will always stand by me .I at least expected one person to refute what was said without bringing up this ‘I intruded into their group’ issue. But I was disappointed. I don’t know how he stands in this whole issue. He’s the person who knows that best. The stand to take his to decide and I don’t expect him to owe me any obligations.I am perfectly capable of defending myself though right now I don't want to stoop so low. I have lived right and I am an intensely private person And I am possessive about my life and what I do with it. If somebody wishes to become my potential biographer , I would request him to get his facts straight or come to me and I’ll put them straight.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Does God also get it wrong?

Well. i was actually planning to right something pretty intellectual(for a change), when he said somethin , i couldnt agree to fast enough.
He said:
' dont u sometimes feel that some people have things that u would give your right hand for. And those people actually dont need/want/care/appreciate it'

Well said, my man! Couldnt be truer.
And I remember the time i had this friend whose mom would get her all kinds of enid blyton books while I was not allowed to read them (coz supposedly I was too young!) n she didnt even care to read.
Or my brother goin to France for one whole year as an exchange student when he didnt give his tiniest little finger for studying abroad and it was dream for me
Or jen aniston givin brad pitt up..

Ok the last one was a junkie..

But there are just so many things...U beg/plead/pray/cry for certain things n they land up with people for whom they r 'just another thing'

And it makes u wonder..
..Does God get his stuff mixed up at times?

Friday, August 26, 2005

Its All About Your Dream

Finally finished reading 'The Alchemist'. longest perhaps I ever took for a book.Over a year. Started it over a weekend at home last year and then forgot all about taking it back to the hostel. nsomehow never got back to it. Untill today.

N amazingly I found it to be an Extremely beautiful book. n I am sayin that considering i generally get put off by the philosphy n 'let me tell u why ur life is so ****** up' kind of books.

I have heard very contrasting reviews about the book - most of them denouncing it as crap n few commending it. N i can understand both points of view perhaps. 'coz lastyear when i was reading it , I perhaps put it with the first kind.

Maybe because at that time I was too busy 'living my life' to actually understand what it was all about. I was sceptical, as i generally am, that aomebody could show me the way to my dreams.

This book is not for people like I was last year. It is perhaps for people like I am now. Disillusioned with life. But still with a hope. N a desire n a will to make things better again. To fulfill that one dream. To reach that one elusive aim.N have the faith that what is being left behind in this quest will not be lost forever.

"If what one finds is made of pure matter , it will never spoil.And one can always come back. If what u found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, u would find nothing on ur return"

One cant just read this book for the heck of it. One must transcend to a higher level n read this book for what its tryin to say, tryin to make u understand. Of course the author goes overboard with unrealism at one point or other. But then who doesnt. So one just shakes his/her head at these parts n carries on waiting for the good parts.

For me , the book was like an 'omen' the kind there are in the book..

"The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He lost his fear and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis. "even though I comlpain at times", his heart said" I am happy. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams beacuse they feel they don't desreve them, that they'l be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, beacome fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever or for moments that could have been good but weren't or of treasures that might have been but were forever hidden in the sands"

And the way the alchemist pursuades the boy to come along with him to the pyramids. Beautiful.

It isnt everday that one gets to read the kind of book that will gel with ur state of mind.

i might have found this book to be crap some other day.
I am just lucky I read it today.


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Duh??

Can somebody tell we why my blog is being spammed????

Monday, August 22, 2005

Bharat Darshan


decided to delete the map here.
was soem how spoiling the symmetry of the blog
Which states in India have you been to?

Friday, August 19, 2005

Just when u have found all the answers ,why does someone appear with a new question?

Black Tears

All alone on this silent shore
Waves of loneliness surround me
Joy eludes me now as pain takes hold
Renew the sorrow that I feel
You hound my vision, I can no longer see
You shiel the truth, the truth so cruel to me
This growing fear, brings me to my knees
Soon to end, all hope is lost forever
Silent scream, they echo inside my head
Belief is gone, denial shattering me
Insanity calls, black tears to fall
This is my destiny, lost in my dreams
No backwards glance, you begin to fade
You stole my heart, hear my last plea
Soon to end, all hope is lost forever
Silent scream, they echo inside my head
Belief is gone, denial shattering me
Insanity calls, black tears to fall.

-SERENITY

One-Two-Three

Tried some new T.V series in the last week n each one beatthe other at being pathetic.
The first one was "SCRUBS' a new show on star world about the life of 3 medical interns in a city hospital. Now it was supposed to be a comedy show but there was no humor in the ifrst show itself. I like shows about doctors. ER rocks. But this one was a big dissapointment. The main lead looks more emaciated than some of the patients n theres a nursing staff who behaves as if she owns the world. A big put down.
Then one day i ran into 'The Great Indian Laughter Show'. Now i watched it purely for academic purposes so that i could form a well informed opinion about it. Infact I had to go n put the remote a long distance off n after that it was a fight between my laziness n my intellectual sense. Laziness won. What I couldnt understand was what Sidhu n Shekhar Suman were laughing so hard about. It either had to be
a) they couldnt beleive they were being paid to just sit there n look like like 2 ppl havin LOT of fun.
b) they were practising laughin all the way to the bank.
c) they were tryin to down outthe contestants.
AND on top of that the name of the serial is a total misfit.
There is no GREATNESS in it.
I refuse to accept the makers claim that all INDIANS have such pathetic sense of humor.
There is absolutely nothing to LAUGH about. (Of course if u can ignore 2 guys literally DYIN out of laughing)
N it is a NO SHOW.
so it should more aptly be called
THE NO SHOW
or maybe
just 'THE'
except that would be an insult to the most common word of english language.

The I got to catch "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES'. I must congratulate the Indian television makers for it seems that they have finally managed to ge tteh west to copy them. It seemed like an Indian sas bahu drama incarnated. Totally pathetic. how it manged the no.1 slot in US is a surprise. But considering that kusum, jassi , etal are no. 1 in India, one can only say the americans are no different. Hell! the whow even had a grown up sonny cryin in momma's lap. Please don watch it unless u r totallt , totally desperate. Or laura Bush. Wonder which of these housewives does she identify with?
lol.
POor George!

Freedom

Come here
Where
I lie
All tied
In chains of
Shame
Name
Useless aims

Come to me
Hold me
Help me
To set
Myself free
from
Jealousy
Mediocrity
Apathy

Come n unbind
Free my mind
So I can

Laugh
Helplessly
Cry
Needlessly
Run
Aimlessly
N beg u
Shamelessly
To come back
...N stay.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Just As Long As We Are Together

Through all kinds of weather
What if the sky should fall
Just as long as we're together
It doesn't matter at all

This is from a book called 'Just as long as we are together'.about 3 13-yr old girls who r friends.
I happened to read its review wen i was 10 or 12 n really wanted to buy it but could never find it at my place.
So i was pretty surprised to see it at a bookfair in delhi 2 yrs ago. ofcourse i bought it impromptu though i knew i was too old for this stuff.
Obviously the book was kiddish.
But i love these lines.

Why?

So wat purpose does a blog serve?
I m totally clueless. thr must be some purpose for there are probably a countless no. of blogs today.
N i m sure thr r ppl who r not as clueless as I am.
ok..so maybe the question wd read better when framed...wat purpose does MY blog serve?
Now there r bloggers with a followin..they may write 'SHIT' n million posts will follow.
My problem:i have told exactly TWO ppl this is my blog

there r entire communities of bloggers who have made it an alternative 2 sms n chat.
My problem:i have told exactly TWO ppl this is my blog.

some ppl use it to give a vent to the innermost feelings, the exact purpose a personal diary wd serve.
My problem: i have told exactly TWO ppl this is my blog.

Well this is the closest I can come to gettin a journal..so i'll make do n shut up.

It Ain't Gravity, The Earth Sucks

ok..this is EXTREMELY funny n TOTAL nonsense. So please dont get logical about it. Now there are very few ppl who actually have the sense of humor n can truly make u laugh. N there r two kinds of ppl at that.
1. the ppl u laugh AT (e.g.: a guy called pornob mukherji)
2. the ppl u laugh with .
Now two of the most illustrious examples of the second kind i have seen (ok! ok! not seen , read) are P.G. Wodehouse n Scott Adams.
Both write about the working (ok wodehouse writes about the NON-working man) man ofhis age.
Now as it happeend I was reading Scott Adams afew days ago. In either "The Future Of Work' Or "Joy of Work' , he suddenly decides to go scientific.
The thing is he does not agree with the ocncept of gravity as we know it today.
So he comes up with his own..
According to him it cam eto him one night all fully formed.
he says:
I magine that u r the only person in existence , living on a big ball( ashouldnt be too difficult if u realise that U r ACTUALLY living on a big ball, rotating along with it n also goin around a big ball of fire at that the same time along with 8 other balls)
NOw u n this big ball double in size every moment n the increase is such that the relative size remains the same so that u never notice that u or the ball is increasing in size.
Now if u were to jump up, the big ball under u wd double in size n wd come to touch ur feet again, so without realising that it actually was an increase in size u'll feel that u cant keep ur feet off this ball.
So thats wat gravity is!
he even goes on to say that he got so excited aboutthis idea that he contacted some scientist friends of his onlyto discover that some scientist had actually had the same bright idea (duh?) and even gone ahead with some research.
wow! talk of smart ppl!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Show me the meaning of being lonely

Its just one of those days. N I cant help thinking ..when do I get to live my life??..
I m 22 .
I m a doctor.
N then somebody will come n make u realise that u r nothing- but the most miserable excuse for a human being.
U listen to people all day long.
U do their bidding . even if it means curbing the dreams of the one life that u have.
U become the butt of their sick sense of humor. All in the name of tolerance power.
But at the end of the day, somehow , through some crazy maths, u r still wrong, just a big dissaopintment.
Is it being strong or is it being weak?..
Seems like strength to bear it all.
Or weakness not to speak out against it…well, at least not often enough.
But then there are days when this carefully nurtured tolerance breaks. N u break down with that. U look for one sign from somewhere that u may be right. But still u don’t get it.
N then theres nothing to do. But to go into ur room. Lock urself in. n let the floodgates fall. Unrestricted flow of emotion.
Then it will hit u.
The most terrible feeling of all.
The feeling of loneliness.
The 100 friends u have will not mean anything. U’ll see their faces pass in front of u. n u’ll think of the times when troubles were sorted out over maggi cookings at 2 am in hostel. Or just talking about the most useless stuff at night out in the open campus n forgetin abt the most depressing stuff.
Life seemed so easy back then.
But they r not here now. Here. When u need them.
Of course u can go to them. They r all there. Waiting. But u wish there was someone who would come to u. for the simple reason that u r good. Ok..atleast not as bad as they will have u believe. That u too deserve a break. Or atleast a good day.
But that’s not to be.
So u take stock of the situation. Tell urself that ‘this too shall pass’ n everything will be alright.
N go off to sleep.

Monday, August 15, 2005

In The End

I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I kept playin this song over n over again for around an hour. It felt kind of written for the way I feel these days.
But now its pretty much lodged into my brain n I haveta get it out.
Maybe writing it down will help.
Anyways, its one of the best songs ever.

It starts with
One thing
I don’t know why.
It doesn’t even matter how hard u try
Keep that in mind
I designed ths rhyme
To explain in due timw
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly away as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
Its so unreal
Sont look out below
Watc hthe timw go right out of the window
Tryin to hold on
But don’t even know
Wasted it all to
Just watch you go
I kept everythin inside
And even though I tried
It all fell aprt
What it mean tto me
Will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried to hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the ned
It doesn’t even matter.

One thing, I don’t know why
Doesn’t even matter how hard u try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
Inspite of the way u were mocking me
Acting like I was a part of your property
Remembereing all thetimes u fought with me
I’m surprised
It got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognise me anymore
Not that u knew me back then
But it all come s back to me
In the end
You kept everythin inside, even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
Am memory of the time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
i had to fall
and lose it all
but in the end
It doesn’t even matter.

I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I tried so hard…


Linkin Park rocks!
Any day anytime!

ok..now this is news.

I cleaned my room.
And broke my specs.
(Put a pretty big book on them in the process).
Now my room will get dirty again
N my specs will stay broken.

I KNEW no good was gonna come out of cleaning my room.

We hej Won

Well..couldnt come up with a better title. Actually its meant to be a tribute to one of the greatest thing that has happened to th eindian television in the past some time.
VH1- the new music channel.
Now I have no idea since when its been playin in the metros, but the the little (ok , not so little) town (city ?) I live in these days got it lost week.
It gives u what MTV n V stopped givin long ago.

Full songs.
Great songs.
Very few breaks.
N most importantly no VJs who hav verbal diarrhea n constipation of thots.

I religiously listen to it every day from 8:30 to 9 pm n it kinda makes my day. Though I sometimes getto hear the remix variety of the songs coz my dad starts his own music abt ‘ths generation n their choice of music…..’

U get the picture , I guess.
But no matter.
I am happy. :)

Yesterday

I really dont know why I am puttin up this sorry poem after the dig on pornob da.
maybe i dont wanna be typecast, that is.!
lol!


Yesterday
To her it seemed
That life was beautiful
As beautiful as a dream.

Yesterday
She saw smiles here and there
Her laughter echoed
Everywhere

Yesterday
There was a fire within
To not let go
To fight , to win

Yesterday
So much like the day before
There was love, respect
People who cared for.

Today
Is not just another day
Today
Is just not yesterday.

Today
She is broken
Let down
Something has gone amiss
The soul’s shattered
Devastated
She’s fallen into an abyss.

Dust and grime
And mud
Sweat and tears
And blood.
The unknown fear.
That lurked in there.

She claws the walls,
Shes hopeless.
Just no way out
of this mess

I am sorry – says her today.
I am just not
As memorable as your yesterday.

She smiles
For the last time
‘you will be my dear,
for did u not hear?’

‘Today
is the day
I give up
And go away.
FOREVER’

With respect to Pornob Mukherji

No, no. don’t get me wrong. The ‘respect ‘ here is not the respect as in ‘with respectto the dear departed’ but as in ‘with respect to the stinking drain in front of my house’. So in this post I merely refer to pornob da not give him any respect (as if I could even if I tried)

Now what happened was after reading my initial post on Pornob mukherjee, a couple of wise guy friends of mine asked me why was I doling out hints to other people free of cost.

Most of the times I m pretty clueless about what I write n am totally clueless about Why I write it. But this time was different- I actually know. So I couldn’t miss out on the golden chance to reply.

This post is about kickin up more dirt about pornob da. Happily, quite a lot has been kicked up already, but this is one of the less touched issues. N I confess, for writing about it I t ake complete inspiration from the Indian media, which spends more time on reporting ‘scoops’ then covering news n still smanages to stay in business. They must be doin something right!

The gist of the matter is that if pornob did KBC , I could never make it to the hot seat ( not that I could do that now…6 rs/ min call…I don’t have that auks). Anyways , so I couldn’t make it coz pornob does not like girls. Ok, before u get any ideas…let me restate- Pornob does not like girls quizzing or atleast he doesn’t like them on stage wen he ‘ has the mike’

Now the first time I was enlightened about the existence of pornob , I was pretty curious to see this specimen but my enlightener told me that girls generally don’t get to go on stage in his quizzes. Now I was plenty curious about the reason why. But somehow , though everybody seemd to acknowledge this fact to some extent, nobody seemed to have bothered to find out the reason why. But I persisted n finally my hard work bore fruit.

One of the veterans whos known pornob from his old IIT K quizzing days told me it was a case of spurned love with the lady in question havin turned him down pretty badly. So , as do nothing he could about it, he decided to take it out on the entire half of the species in quizzing where he lives in a make belief world where he’s the midget king n whatever he says becomes the rule.

Now , a few months ago, one ofmy friends elaborated on this. According to him, pornob was about to get married to a this girl when he spread about spme rumors which as usual had the 3 pornob charchterstics:
1. it was a pornob ego feeder.
2. it put the other party down.
3. it was a lie.
So, the obvious thing, the girl opted out.
N hence the discrimination.

Well, I don’t exactly blame pornob! I mean that guy was merely looking for symmetry n constancy in his life! He has lied about everythin till now so how could he let this pass? He lies about his birth date, his education, his occupation, his employers, his plays, the questions in his quizzes, the answers to the questions in his quizzes.
Hell! He lies about the answers to the answers to the questions in his quizzes in the next quiz.

That’s the way that man is. N if there was something called ‘utopian existence’ all of us would have realised this.
The quiz organizers would have realisd that he’s a habitual liar and not given him a chance.
The girl would have realised that he’s just a habitual liar n given him a chance.
Life would have been good for all of us.
Not the girl maybe.
But then ..’for the greatest good of the greatest number.’

Unfortunately, this is real life n n outopia, so..
The quiz organizers don’t realise that he’s a habitual liar , so givehim a chance,
The girl doesn’t realise he’s a habitual lawyer, so doesn’t givehim achance.

But the latest is that he’s digging his heels in various girls colleges in delhi.
So maybe finally things r a-changing.
Who knows?
But girls please beware.
He’s NOT 28!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

As always

17/10/2k

Another day gone
Another night is on
Another smile lost
Another shadow cast
As always...

Laughter recedes to rear
Down trickles a tear
Only on my cheek
never getting what I seek
As always...

I open up my heart, I try to come near
Nobody holds me, I struggle to stay there
Was there a reason to make me cry?
Yes. 'u know the reason why'
As always...

Another break in the heart
Another tragedy set apart
Heartbreaks I thought I could bear no more
But this too i will..like the ones before
As always...

runaway

I wanna runaway
never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
i wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

confessions

i confess there have been times when i have:


1. believed there was no god.
2. hated ppl i love.
3. said sorry n not felt it
4. felt sorry n not said it.
5. not given hope a chance.
6. not given myself a chance.
7. been overly n overtly possessive ( n not done anythin abt it)
8. been unreasonably unreasonable.
9. jus wanted to have my way..no matter wat way it was.
10. not wanted to go on living.

the true me

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.
With respect to money, you spend whatever you have.
You think good luck might come your way, but if it does you'll be so surprised you'll burst out laughing.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be methodical in your ways - with trouble adapting to the rules of society.
You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Lookin up

OK..Life’s suddenly not so bad..
Its not good either.
But it had kinda sucked all year long till now.
Murphy’s law was brewing up a storm.
Suddenly things have stopped goin wrong (tcha wood)
Not that something great has happened.
But I feel good, for a change.
Its like..if u keep hittin urself on the head all day long, it’ll feel really good when u stop.

my family and other animals- the room

Have u ever seen that when somethings on your mind how the rest of the world also starts talkin abt the same things, there r reminders of it everywhere.
Now , take me, I was talking about cleaning my room yesterday. N today, my bro comes to my room n goes..

He: u knw wat chaos is?
Me: umm..ya..why?
He: If an alien were to come to this earth n have a doubt as to what chaos is, show him ur room, he wont question the meaning of the word again..

Very smart! My dad decides that vey moment o make his enetrance.He too has to talk about my room.

Pa: How do u mange to live in such a mess?
He: u heard about entropy?..when the entropy of a system is maximum , it becomes stable. Her room has reached that level.

Now my bro is one of those cleanliness junkies. Especially when he’s at home. At hostel he’s a mess. He never let me into his room at IIT but da had some horror stories to tell. N at his room at academy in masuri, u sorta had to hop around ..coz there was palce tp put only one foot down at a time, or u had to kinda hang on to the door..ot mebe get into the attatched loo..then u cd talk to him.

But anyways..at home he’s an abso freak. I don’t know why. I was pretty decent at hostel. But for the past few months since I have been home, I am bad. I have taken over his room. N even now if he comes to my room sometime..say in the morning. I ‘ll be sittin at the table studying. He’ll hang around n out of sheer compulsion, he’ll start don things like putting the pillows in their place, folding the covers, straightening the bedsheet. I hink he does it unconsciously. He doesn’t really know. If u were to tell him some day that he’s made the bed in my room many times , he’ll laugh in ur face. If u somehow get him to believe it, he’ll swoon. If I were to point it out to him one day, I am sure he’ll go to the extent of unmaking my bed the no. of times he’s made it! But for now, I m happy he does it.

So comin to present..I decdided to appeal to him. Now that’s one thing about my family these days. All 3 of them are abso free, so they fawn over me. They do my bidding. To the extent that my bro actually got me choc pastries against my dad’s wishes when I had a craving one day. So I asked my bro to clean the junk lyin on my bedstand. Now the civil servant that he is, he goes..the govt of India has stopped givin 100% help to anybody now. U have to do 5% n the govt does the rest.U clean ur table n I’ll clean this stand.

Now that’s another thing about my brother. He just LOVES clean tables. N he has to clean his himself. Now the stoy goes, thr was a new table for his room. My mom cleaned it. Then the servant did. Te normal dry cloth-wet cloth-dry cloth regime. nN wen he go to it, the first thing he says..gimme a cloth, I have to clean the table!

So I point out to him that I do clean it , it jus gets messed up again.
He: make diff rows for diff subjects..
Me: I have..look.

He gives it a doubtful look.

He: put larger books below and smaller on top.

I point out that I do that but somehow I end up reading the bigger ones more than smaller ones and cant push them back under again. He is patient. Says its possible. Just try it.He says. Now.

I do.

With disastrous results…
..of course.

He gets ready to leave. Remember. He says. A cluttered table means a cluttered mind.

N an empty one? I ask.

He gives me a dirty look and goes away.

I think I’ll die without cleaning my room.

Monday, August 08, 2005

10 things i wanna do before i die


1. clean my room
2. write a novel.
3. learn to play guitar.
4. finish a Stephen king in under a week.
5. not cry after I get a haircut
6. see one sunrise in the mountains.
7. meet rahul dravid
8. get rid of the reservation system at least in education.
9 make a difference in somebody’s life
10. get really n truly drunk (just once!)

Sunday, August 07, 2005

somebody wake up n do something

This is somethng that happened this january when I was posted as an intern in the emergency deptt of my hospital.
This girl around 14-15 yrs of age came alon with a guy who was maybe arnd17-18. their clothin , general hygiene showd that they were most likely from the JJ clusters.
Now the girl had this 7 inch cut on het left forearm, pretty bad shape n she claimed that some 3rd guy by the name of x was responsible. And she wanted a police complaint against him. ( thisis one of the benefits of the em deptt, u can get a police constable come right there n take ur complaint).
One look at the nature of injury was enough to show that her wounds were self inflicted, the direction of the cut, the hesitation cuts around, etc, but she insisted on lodging a complaint against x while the guy with her went on pleading to her against it..badnaami hogi teri…he kept sayin.
Of course, u lean to tackle such cases n slowly her story came out. According to her, she ‘fell in love’ with this x n went to live with him for 6 months. Then a week ago, he threw her out. N that morning he had come to her place n beat her up. Those injuries dint show , so she carved out that beauty. ‘Mujhe badla lena hai usse’..she said..shanti ki tareh..I was about to call for the constable when the guy totally goes..plz don’t call the police..i ask why n he explains..that she’s carryin x’s baby!..

Just lovely! I try to reason it out with her, advice her on termination but she’s hell bent on being prerna or somebody frm some kasauti zindagi ki.
So we tie up her injuries n send her home , she agrees not to lodge a complaint after the guy with her agrees to beat x to pulp.

I am really amazed. See I for one don’t watch the saas bahu ka drama , so till that date their irritativevalue for me was limited to not being able to watch other stuff on tv in hostel. But this was takin things alil too far. These so called portrayals of traditional Indian values are actually leading people totally astray… according to them a bhartiya naari is one hwo wears a nine yard saari, lots of jeweelery n oodles of sinddor irrespective of the fact thatahes had arnd 10 affairs, been married 5 times, divorced 4 times, has 7 kids of whom 3 r illegitimate. ( I may be off the count, I never really watched any, but thisis the gist I guess). N yes the difference between the homemaker n the home breaker is in designer sindoor tht the vamp wears.

The incident I talk about is true. Even today I wonder how shes getting on. I wonder, did I fail in my duty as a doctor in not succeeding in showin her what was the best way out for her?.But aren’t there other people who are failin in their duty as they feed us this totally incomprehensible shit?

AVI KBC-2 with POrnob MUkherji

OK..So we have KBC-2 showing on the telly now. So the junta is excited. So 70% junta has found an occupation for their wkend evenings. Rest 29.5% probably are not bothered about such stuff and the rest 0.5% are probably banging their heads on some wall.
It really is a sorry state of affair wen a guy like Siddhartha basu has to pull of shows like university challenge n go back to cheap drama li ke KBC , most probably due to lack of funds. It’s a shame that companies are ready to sponser shows that win u 2 crore bucks for ansering questions like ‘motichoor is a variety of which mithai’ and pure , classic quizzing finds no takers.
Now wat could be the reason that shows like KBC which hardly add to ur knowledge in any way end up bein more popular than shows that do.
3 reasons come to mind:
1. The AB factor
2. The fact that u can actually answer questions that are being asked on a tv quiz (sic!) show acts as an ego booster for most loosers who watch such shows.
3. Seein a common man like your own self win hugely , acts as a -2)d are also ordinary ppl. UC participants are just from ur ordinary colleges, ordinary kids, not those with 200+ iq, who chill like anybody else n who even flunk their exams at times. Mastermind amongst its winners has had a housewife.
Or maybe we need to put our ego aside and be ready to learn n not jus gloat over lil knowledge we have.
Or maybe we cd get SB (sidh bhaia ) to get AB (amit bhaia) to do UC.

Ok ..ok..the last thot is nauseating , so lets chuck it.

So since we cant have uc or mm back , I st and thot of making KBC interesting and I thot of one. Lets get pornob mukherjee to doit. So instead of KBC-2 we will have A very interesting KBC -2 ( AVIKBC-2)

Now the junta will have wat they want…I am sure they will be star struck at the loads of info dear pondy will have to offer. And pondy ofcourse will be in heaven with all the junta hanging on to his everyword.Suddenly uncle , aunty , chunnu , munnu n all n sundry who becum GIKIS wd be changed into GIDKATs (gosh I dint know about that)

Ok so now if ur one of the uninitiated and mange to get to so far as the tv round of the show, here are some tips:

1. Dress up really nice, for how knows that wat with pornob da’s cons the show might go on air in US, iraq , cuba n even moon.

2. Take along some old buddy of pornob’s ( thrs no dearth of them) as ur mama, chacha , dada, nana, wateva as ur rishtedaar in waiting.

3. DON”T laugh if he trips over his long kurta and falls while getting into his high chair (his bound to one day,,the law of averages spares none), u laugh all u want behind his back not at his face.

4. If any of the answers has the vaguest bong conn in the answer go for it. It may be the farthest thing from correct. With porno , u odnt have to be correct. So if its something like..’motichoor is a vriety of which mitahi” (sorry for the repetition but this ques really bored my soul)..n the options include rasgulla or sandesh..u DON’T say ladoo , u say rasgulla/sandesh.

5. Ok n thsis the best tip.for phone a friend take the no. of one of pornob’s boys. So u can spend 28 secs chattin with him n in the last 2 secs to ask him to say anything out of a,b,c,d he fancies. N without the slightest wavering give out that answer. Don’t worry. POrnob’s boys are never wrong!

AVIKBC-2 will def keep everyone on their toes. While the junta ogles at this new found wisdom dispenser n he baskes in his new found glory, the 0.5% of us can rest in peace.
Wat can we say..we r sooo jealous of dear pornob.

(dies laughing)

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

pearls (??!!) of wisdom

Ok..now this is all that inspirational. lift u up bull shit...so dont read it unless u r REALLY depressed, but incase u r REALLY depressed..do read it. it does give u a push. All this stuff is from 'Illusion' by richard bach..i happend to read this book at a time wen i was amazingly down around 2 yrs ago n i go back to it wenevr i hit a valley..n it does help

* the mark of ignorance is the depth of ur belief in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.

*Depending on people to care about what i say is depending on somebody else for my happiness

* Dont be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necsessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends.

* Do unto others as u truly feel like doin unto others. (this one is mast)

*We chose , ourselves to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what. Its us who decides.

* You are never gines a wish without also being given the power to make it true. you may have to work for it however.

* Argue for your limiations and sure enough they are yours (nother cool one)

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Just leave it to Him

Sometimes you just have to leave it to God.
Its amazing how many times in life u’ll keep getting stuff out of the blue and at others u’ll have to maaro the maxo fight n still end up with a zook.
How at times u keep running after things that are far off and fail to appreciate what you have.
How u keep expecting certain people to never let you down and end up letting dow people who care more about you.
How u r so desperate seeking help that u don’t see the hands outstretched for ur help.
If we did realise this we may find that people we need are actually not the ones so fa off that u cant get to them but people right beside us ..those who need us too.
Just leave it to God. There will be days when u’ll have nobody to turn to. Nobody who cared. Nobody would bother.
As it happened with me today. I felt lonely as hell, amazingly let down , jus numbed by the unfairness of it all.
But don’t lose hope. God will intervene. As he did for me. He’ll send u ur guardian nagel. He may be in a different form always. He may not be the one u expect him to be.he may not be there forever. But he’ll be there.
Believe me, somebody will be there , to hold ur hand, to put hishand on ur head , to wipe those tears and tell u everything will be fine and put that smile right back on.
Sounds like a lot of crap..but belive me..its true.
Thank u, my angel!

Friday, July 29, 2005

jus a beautiful song

Was listening to some music after a long time today..heard this one..it always makes me feel that if ever i was feelin low smbdy wd play this for me..or if u were feelin down smbdy wd play it for u..

I hope u never lose ur sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave u empty handed

I hope u still feel small wen u stand beside the ocean
wenever one door closes, i hope one more opens
promise me that u'll give faith a fighting chance
and wen u get the choice to sit out or dance
I hope u dance

I hope u never fear those mountains in the distance
never settle for the path of least resistance
livin might mean takin chances, but they r worth takin
lovin m ight be a mistake, but its worth makin
dont let some hell bent heart leave u bitter
when u come close to sellin out, reconsider
give the heavens above more than jus a passin glance

And wen u get the choice to sit out or dance,
I hopeu dance (time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope u dance (rolling us along)
I hope u dance (tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope u dance (where those years have gone)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

pottermania?..potty mania!

Got Harry Potter no. 6 finally on 19th of july, finished it in arnd 8 hrs on 21st july. and must i say..it was a BIG dissapointment!. I had been waiting for this book ever since i finished with order of the phoenix , n i hd hoped that the 2 year wait would be worth it but it was not to be so.
reading this book, one alomost feels that JKR is just trying to increase the no. of pages. The way Dumbledore keeps taking happry into the pensive gets repitative and boring.It would have been much better had he jus told the memories to him or atleast done so on a couple of accasions for a change if nothing else.
There is also very limited action as compared to the previous book. mostof its just talk and the action that is there is not told as a story bythe author but recounted by the various charachters n it gets boring.
The rmantic angles get clearer and a wholel ot of time is devoted to them.
The areas that were earlier in the grey which wd always keep one wondering as to this or that have been clearly put on one side..as for eg..its been made clear as to whose side snape is on, who does hermoine really like, can the dark lord be killed n if so how, what the prophecy was...etc etc.
out of 607 pages the book starts showing some life only around 640ish page n hardly lasts for arnd 30-40 pages. even the death of a very imp charchter hardly gets u feelin the way sirius' death in the last book did. i mean i almost cried at taht time and when i had finished that book i jus couldnt wait ofr the next one but this time ..nopes...no feelings..
And probably the worst ...voldermort has sposedly kept his soul at diff places and all the piecs r sposed to be destroyed to kill him..gawd! reminded me of the stories read as a li lkid whr the evil monster wd keep his life in a parrot or a tree or some thin n then th eking would go n destroy it n all would live happily ever after..
Really wish it had been smthin better!!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

deliver us from evil

i opened up the day's paper to the news of the 7/7 bombers hvin been identified. today's hindu showed the birth certi of one of teh guys n thts wat first caught my eye. n it hit me so hard...that guy was younger than me!..not even 23...n then i read the news to find tht another one was 19. at an age when the most imp decisions seem to be what to wear n where to eat and which movie to see, these kids made such enormous decisions of their lives. its so hard to believe that someone who was playin cricket with his friends not 10 days ago would end up his life like a fanatic achieving nothing more than but the burden of the innocent dead and broken families on his soul. is it not jus possible that they dint even know wat they were doin? or they did it under some threat? i dont know why but this is what i feel. i still have a hope. not on legal grounds but on moral. a lil hope that this generation can rise above th eolder one. a li lhope that all will soon be well.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

An ode to the blog

A major problem that one faces while blogging is the typos. by 'one' i mean atleast 'me'. i get carried away with no respect watsoever for the spellings. now i found somethin that pg wodehouse (read G-O-D) once wrote wen encountered with a similar prob though his was more to do with the printer's devil than his own hand. i liked it nonetheless, n here it is..
I m not a fussy man i said
I smile when u put 'rid' for 'red'
And 'bad' for 'bed' and 'hoad' for 'head'
and 'bolge' instead of 'bough'
when 'wone' appears in lieu of 'wine'
or if u alter 'cohn' to 'schine'
i never make a row.
i know how easy errors are
but this time u have gone too far
by printing 'not' when u knew what
i really wrote was 'now'
prepare i said to meet ur god
ar as u would say , your Goo or Bod
or possibly your Gow

:))

Friday, July 08, 2005

how is stopped writing and started loving the blog

Well...there is a reson for everythin ..so thr gotta b a reason for me sittin here n be typin away to glory.. of course its a fad to blog these days...u may habe beauty n u may have brains...but of u aint bolggin u aint rockin! But bein the rebel I am , i refused to blog! why blog? i said, when u have the good old diary...why , i said, expose ur feelings to the world, why, i said , take away the beauty of emotions experssed by handwriting?, why , i said,....well i guess i spoke a lot to myself n u i guess get the picture...
but then here i am tday...convinced tht i need to blog...no it wasnt the techy in me wakin up...nor was it the pleading n the unarguable arguements of one of the whizkids..it was the most simple n most compelling of reasons...my friend...my diary got public...well...so here i am chosing the bloggers way out coz keep me quiet u cant...a million ppl may read wat i write here ...but at least 2 ppl ( everybdy knws thm...but everybdy knws a diff them n their names start with M n D , u get the pic , i guess grin grin!!)..cant!!. now my diary bein smthin on the lines of holden caulfield...( tht guy was NOT insane, i adore tht guy...tht is a diff stry...comin soon righ here), its better not to gv ppl shocks.now tell me, if u were writin a diary wd it read like a bhagvad gita...?? n mean a totally pvt diary...i mean doesnt everybdyhave thots u canttell everybdy...afraid they will look at u , shocked, shake their heads n say,,naah! ths isnt wat we thot she was!...she sucks!
wokay...tht explains it...but i'll be bk soon ,..with more..

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Winds of Change

Give me just one more day..
Or give me just an hour..
Or maybe just another minute
To savout it from afar

Or giveme the power
To say goodbye
With a amile onmy face
And my eyes dry.

One last look at the room
Now so bare
The ups and downs for so many years
It did share.

I stand in the ground
The time seems to freeze
Though in my hair
I can still feel the breeze.

somewhere echo the footsteps
as we would rush to the class
The whispers and the laughter
That went till late hours.

Its time...for the goodbyes
To the tear kissed faces
Of lasting hugs
And last embraces.

And the last farewell
The hardest of them all
Promises to stay in touch
Promises to call

You stand still
Though its time to turn back
The hands hold on
To let go the courage u lack.

A lump in the throat
A catch in the voice
But u know that
u have no other choice

Tear filled promises
to stay true
Though they are just words
you know that too.

Tell me..
Is this a new beginning
Or is it the end?
Or in the road of life
Thisis just a bend?

Tell me..
Will this pain stay
Or will it go away?
Will the tears subside?
If I close my eyes?